Rejection Plus Acceptance

Being back in Oklahoma after studying abroad for an entire year has really surprised me. The things I expected to be good at…aren’t really working out. And things that I expected to be lame are actually super fun.

School is pretty much all I’m good at these days and I guess that’s going pretty well. Go to class, study, do homework, take a test, it’s all whatevs. I’m ready to graduate but that’s where things get fuzzy. I’ve always been one to be proactive and think about things in the future and all that stuff. And I have been. I’ve already done a lot to prepare for next year. The problem is none of them have worked out.

1. Four fellowships for next year. Applied. Rejected in first round.
2. Campus award. Applied. Rejected. (No surprise. Should have stayed in Norman and helped plan “DaD’s DaY” or “DaNcE mArAtHoN” and done some BS study abroad like “ZOMG! 3 days in Peru+6 hours of non-western upper division credit for 5 million dollars” if I wanted that.)
3. I also took the Foreign Service Officer Test to decide if I could work in an embassy. Sounds cool right? I failed the test by 1.25 points!!! ☹

So, things haven’t really been going my way with regard to my future. It stings to be rejected so much by October of my senior year, but box wine (a.k.a. juice boxes) help me cope. It’s funny because honestly I think study abroad was the thing that messed that up for me. Try taking a break from your life and then coming back to it in a year and see how successful you are. The plus side of this is that now I can make new friends really quick because I don’t know anyone! Which brings me to my next point.

After three whole years of not being noticed, I have finally been accepted with open arms by the gay community of Norman, Oklahoma!!! They were ready for me before I even got back from Turkey. It was gay add Peter o’clock and I ate that shit up. Now, I meet them for like two seconds or call them an asshole and then they add me on FB. Who would have thought?

What’s my secret? Be a big douchebag! With most people, being nice and outgoing will usually lead to a good friendship. Wiff duh gays of Okla, they live for the sass. Just tell them all the gossip you’ve heard about them behind their backs. Instant friendship!

Yeah, so maybe this isn’t a foolproof plan. I ideally would like to keep some of these friendships and not just converse with these people while intoxicated. I also would not like to be working at a Red Lobster after I graduate. I mean the cheddar biscuits would be bomb for a while but I hope things don’t come to that.

Wish me luck faithful blog followers!

Hot and Dangerous

Yo lovers!

Wanna hear about my shitty but very entertaining love life in Norman? Well, let's get on it!!!

I've never had much luck dating in Oklahoma, or in America for that matter. I can't really come to any conclusions on why that happens but it's the truth. I think it's because they love the gama (gay drama) and I just like foreigners. But since I've been back, weird. things. are. happening.

1. I have been gay added on facebook SO MANY TIMES both while I was abroad and since I've been back, and I'm loving it like it's fucking McDonald's. I hope they read my blogs too so then I can be interwebz famous at OU.

2. Went to a party a couple weeks ago and kissed someone (heaven forbid!). Of course, that has led to nothing and I can't understand why. Maybe I AM a bad kisser like Cindy told me that one time...

3. This is the best story ever. Predrank at a friend's place this weekend before going to Campus Corner for one of the foreign people parties. One of my friends invited a friend that he was semi-intersted in. I thought he was dorky cute, but I backed off because bros before hos, right? (P.S. this rule never applies to the gay community of Oklahoma) But anyway, things didn't work between them and somehow I got to talking to my friend's friend. The conversation turned to other things and we eventually decided that we'd go home together after the party. The whole party I had this in my mind. I even felt bad after someone else grinded on me. We finally left the party and decided to walk to my house from Campus Corner. According to Google Maps, that is a 1.6 mile walk that should take 31 minutes. Keep that in mind. We get all the way to my house, I use the bathroom for two seconds. When I come out, he's not there any more. THAT BITCH IS GONE! HE RAN AWAY FROM ME!!! You would think that during those 31 minutes of walking, you might have had time to change your mind. Nope. It was during those two seconds that I was in the bathroom. And could you say "hey, I'm not interested any more" or leave a note? Nope. Ran. Away. It's like dine and dash but you didn't eat anything. What's the point?

So, boys have been testing my self-esteem lately. I don't know whether to be flattered that they're interested in me for a part of an evening or be offended that they quit it before they even hit it.

NO MORE AMERICAN GAMA PLZ. I'VE DECIDED I'M MOVING TO GERMANY.

End of Summer/Beginning of School

After a summer of endless commutes, uncomfortable swamp-ass, and a variety of medical conditions, my time in Virginia/DC came to a close. From there, I embarked on my wonderful two-day road trip to Oklahoma. On the bright side, I was expecting to spend at least 21 hours on the road but somehow made it in a little over 18 including pitstops. Plus, no run-ins with the law. And who says I’m not a good driver?

Highlight of the trip/Scariest moment of my life:
I stopped just west of Memphis, TN in a town creatively enough called West Memphis, AR. (Fun things that have happened in WM: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/West_Memphis_Three) I found the closest motel and booked a room. I was on cloud nine because I had made such good time the first day and could now relax in my luxurious Super 8 suite. But, when I was returning to my room after hitting up the local Taco Bell, I had a conversation that freaked me the fuck out. Here’s how it went.

Sketchy guy standing outside Super 8: Hey, I know you, don’t I?
Me: Excuse me?
Sketch: You’re from Virginia, right?
Me: Yeah (walk off)

Moments later, I realized that the only way he knew I was from Vir-jayjay was by seeing the license plate of my car. And then it hit me. HE WAS GOING TO STEAL MY CAR!!! I went from being in a great mood to being paranoid that I was going to wake up the next morning stranded with no car. So, the whole night, I woke up almost every hour, walked to the window to check that my car was still there, and then went back to sleep. Luckily, Cleatus (my vehicle) was still there when I finally got up and I hauled ass out of WM.

Where duh friends?
Made it back to OK safely, finally got settled in Norman and then….(cricket, cricket). Where are my old friends? Oh wait, they all graduated and moved away, dated a friend without telling me and now it’s awkward, or just stopped talking to me for some reason. Cool beans, right? So, I’ve had my make-new-friends clothes on the whole time I’ve been back. New roommates, study abroad buddies, and co-workers have all been good sources of friends. I went to my first APO meeting last week. It made me so sad. Everyone looked at me like “Who da feck are you and why you be up in my APO meeting?” (or at least they did in my head). I’ve only been gone for a year and somehow I went from friendly, funny fellowship chair Peter who was the president’s roommate to old balls. This won’t deter me though. If I could, I would sing this everyone in APO and e’eryone I want to be my friend:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6b1EpJE-ox0
(And yes, I would wear that same outfit)

Classes
I’ve known since before I started college that I was going to go for four full years. I mean that’s normal, right? Sure, I went to a special high school in Costa Rica for two years and therefore, I graduate when I was 19, but graduating university at 23 isn’t too old, is it? Well, my mom begs to differ and openly voiced her opinion this summer. She told me I’m almost 30 and it’s about time I graduated. No joke. So, thanks to Carol Ann, I now feel friendless AND old. I started my first day of classes and instantly wanted to flash forward to graduation day May 2012. It was hard for me to realize that I was in class with people who were potentially 19 or 20. Gross! But, after the first week, I now realize that I can suck it up and finish my senior year without age being a problem. You know what is a problem? There be so many dumb people in my classes! I guess that’s due to the fact that I’m taking three Spanish classes where the language of instruction is English. Go figure! I’m also taking a class about Judaism for my Judaic Studies minor and because I love da Jewcy Jews! But what do you think we talk about in that class? CHRISTIANS!!! I guess that’s what you get when you go to school in Oklahoma where everyone just wants to talk about their own religion, why it’s the best thing since tater tots, and then convert you.

A letter to American GAYS
After my last blog post, I feel that I had to incorporate this topic somehow. Gays in America are no fun, in my opinion. Why? Because they don’t like me. They either think I’m disgustingly ugly or that I’m trying hardcore to hit on them. 1. I’m hot stuff and 2. Don’t flatter yourself. So, what’s my plan? DON’T.TRY.AT.ALL. Gays are stereotyped as having a keen sense of fashion and high hygiene standards. Well you know what? I’m not going to. Listen up gringo gays! You’re going have to put up with my mismatched frumpy clothes, hairy body, and pasty skin. That’s right. You didn’t want it when I tried so feck off. Get your hairspray cloud AWAY from me, betches!

But overall, things are going well here in Norman. It’s definitely taking some time to adjust, but if I can live in Turkey for a year, I’m sure I can figure things out here pretty quick. Gonna miss my number one Asian Persuasion and mistake pickle eater Cindy Sue when she leaves, but I’m glad our paths crossed once again. Until we meet again faithful blog readers.

Gays in Istanbul??!!

This is a blog post I wrote for Emre's blog for exchange students at Bogazici. I decided to post it here also to recap my study abroad experience. Enjoy!

When I decided to study abroad, that’s pretty much all I had decided: that I WANTED to study abroad, not where. I had some ideas, but nothing concrete. Initially, I wanted to go somewhere really exotic and experience things that I never had before. But after listening to my friends who had studied abroad before talk about the amazing parties they went to, I thought that maybe I wanted to go to a more western country, where I could get sloshed seven days a week and not give a care about learning a new language, culture, etc. My roommate once talked about her time in Buenos Aires and told me “it’s a shame because all the cute boys were gay.” What a shame indeed! So that also contributed to my thoughts (and made me really want to go to Argentina!) In the end, I chose to study in Turkey because it was unlike any place I had been to before. I had my reservations about my “sloshing” potential in a Muslim country and whether or not I would find a single other gay person in a city with a population of 15 million, but I’m happy to say that my study abroad experience as an American homo in Istanbul was one of the best times of my life.

Coming from a conservative area of the United States, like Oklahoma, society, along with religion, teaches you that most topics relevant to sexuality should be kept hush hush. Now! Try being GAY!!! How fun do you think that is? You’d assume that there are very few people who are comfortably “out” and that most gays either “move to the city” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeahDax24Dg) or use Craig’s List/Adam4Adam/Man Hunt to post pics of their man parts/solicit sexy times…This is pretty much true. And because I never felt comfortable in any of these categories, I became what I call, “a non-active member of the gay community.” So, at parties, when my hetero friends were on the prowl looking for their next hook-up, I was busy being the fat girl, knocking shit over and then passing out alone in my own bed.

Like I said before, I was terrified of being gay in Turkey. I thought I would get stoned or something if anyone found out. All the websites about gay Turkey made me think of dark rooms and chains and lots of sweat and STDs and…and…and I don’t even know what! But I realized that if I could survive being gay in Oklahoma, I could be gay in pretty much any country in the world (except maybe Iran, because they don’t have gays).

Once I arrived in Istanbul, I decided to keep my sexuality on the DL for the first few weeks, at least until I got to know people better. That didn’t really work it. After two beers at the first mixer for exchange students, I was “whispering” to everyone how I like boys! But after coming out in the open with it, things went surprisingly well for me. I found out one of my friends lived with three gay Turks and a few weeks later, one of them took me to a gay club. There, I was introduced to the Istanbul scene. AND. IT. WAS. AWESOME. (in comparison to Oklahoma)

After spending a year in Istanbul and getting to know a variety of places and people (not to brag), I will break down the gay scene and give you some advice on how to work that scene to your advantage.

Internet. Turks and most Europeans like to use Gay Romeo. Like any other gay dating site, it’s pretty much porn. “Show me yours, I’ll show you mine” “What positions do you like?” “Active?/Passive?” that sort of thing. If you’re into that, you’re in luck. Just be careful and if you decide to meet up with someone, do it in public the first time.

Bars and Clubs. There are probably more than a dozen of these in the Taksim district of Istanbul alone, but not all of them are worthwhile. They’re usually expensive and a lot of them just plain suck so no one important is there. My fav is a place called “Tek Yon” and it’s really close to Taksim Square in Cihangir. Ask any gay person and they’ll know it. It plays pretty good club/dance music and there are always lots o’ guys there on the weekends. But! Don’t buy any drinks there and don’t check your coat. Get drunk beforehand if you want and either carry your coat around or stuff it in some corner if you want to have money for a cab ride home.

Peter’s tips to reach your gay potential:
1. Don’t go to gay clubs with girls. I know that in most countries, gays have a token “fag hag” who like totally loves to go gaying, but most G clubs hardly let girls in. Turks like to get right to the point. It may sound strange at first, but you get used to it.
2. Because of tip #1, you’re going to need to some gay friends to go out with you. Try to befriend Turks. They are usually very friendly and their language skills may come in handy. DO NOT make friends with Americans. They are bitches and can go straight back to their pretentious gay commune a.k.a New York City. And Germans are just assholes from MY experience.
3. Say you’re foreign as much as possible. Having brown hair, I sometimes was mistaken for being Turkish. But once I said I was American, BINGO! All eyes were on me, the former fatty from Oklahoma. If you’re blond, you’re in luck. If you have a blond friend, bring him as bait when you go out. Turks will love it!
4. Do not go to a gay club during the week. You will look desperate and it will be EMPTY.
5. Before you go out, know your sexual limits. Turks will only stop if you tell them to. Otherwise, they will run laps around the bases (if you get my drift). Only go home with someone if you want to and use protection as needed. #maternal instinct

I hope my experience and advice will be helpful to you in the future if you’re planning to spend time in Istanbul. Besides being a haven for gays from Turkey and elsewhere, it is an absolutely amazing city full of history and excitement. I cannot imagine having studied abroad anywhere else and hope that you have the time of your life while your there!

iyi şanslar,
Gaymerican Boy

Mid-Summer/Visit to the Grandparents/Rhianna

I decided that since I've been back to the good ol' US of A for almost a month, it's time to give a little briefing on how things are going (for doz of u who is interested).

My internship is going well. Things seem to be kind of picking up and I'm getting used to my commute from hell. One of my favs, Noa (like the ark, but without an "h"), no longer works with us which sucks some major ass, but I know that she is deeply regretting her decision to leave. She misses all our faces, especially mine and Sara's. WE HAVE SO MUCH FUN WITHOUT YOU NOA!!!!...(sometimes). But yeah, my drive+train+metro still pisses me off. Cannot get over why my parents chose to live in Front Royal, 1) because it's hella far away from DC and 2) because it's called Front Royal. Still, don't even know what that means. You can't just put two words together and call it a town. "Behind Queen", "Below King": do you want those town names on your job application? I think not! Might as well go live on Breezy Lane in Castle Rock, Colorado. So, FroRo, take my advice, and change the name.
P.S. There are some uber hotties on the metro. Makes me want to work in DC ALL DUH TIME!

Jersey (not the shore)

So, my older sister was in town for a couple of weeks. She just left today :( and I miss her already. My mom decided that since we were both here, she would take us up to visit her parents (our gparents) for the 4th of July weekend. Awesome! I love Gma and Pop pop and I haven't seen them since before I went to Turkey. But, my family is pretty conservez if you haven't heard. My gparents were still freaked out 2 YEARS AFTER i dyed my hair black and grew my stubble out. AND! last summer they almost didn't want to see me because I had gotten my nose pierced. FTW?! Keep that in mind as I tell you some of the things that I experienced over the course of two days.

1. I had to listen to how the immigrants were taking over the country (and the Catholic churches!) over dinner.
2. My grandpa was surprised when I told him I didn't go to church every Sunday/or at all while I was in Turkey.
3. My grandma announced pretty loudly in church that my grandpa, "can't hold his corn." ???
4. I went to see "Bad Teacher" with my Gma and older sister which was awkward because the language was surprisingly vulgar, even for me. Imagine being in a movie theater with your grandma and one of the lines is "Dry f#$% the f#$% out of me"
5. I keep getting lectured on what type of girl I should bring home to my mom/gma...Don't know what I'm supposed to do with that advice.

But, it was a lot of fun and I'm glad I got to see everyone.

FUNNY STORY!
Look at this picture first.


This is someone receiving communion in a Catholic church. My family is Catholic and my grandparents and my mom especially are REALLY Catholic. My mom goes to church every week and I...don't. She gets up so early and I don't like organized religion so I choose not to go. A couple of weekends ago after mass, my mom told us this story about how she went to receive communion. Notice in the picture how the nun is receiving the wafer/body of X in her mouth and the pope's assistant is holding the metal thing that looks like a ping-pong paddle underneath in case the wafer falls. Well, my mom went to do this (because her church is really old-fashioned) and the alter boy who was holding the ping-pong paddle accidentally whacked my mom in the throat.
When she told us this, I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF FOR LIKE FIVE MINUTES. I think it is so damn funny! I know some people might take offense to this because it's about religious matters so sorry. My mom will even try not to laugh about it because she thinks its a mortal sin or whatever, but I will continue to tell this story to anyone who will listen.


Rihanna's new song: "California King Bed"
I like your voice, but who the eff wrote these lyrics?
You cannot sing about the size of your bed. Twin, double, queen, nope, she goes for the CALIFORNIA KING!!!

"In this California king bed
We're ten thousand miles apart
I've been California wishing on these stars
For your heart for me
My California king"

You can also not just put a state in front of a verb and call it good. "California wishing" does not make sense. "California dreaming" well, that's a famous song so it's immune to this rule. But Princess Rhi Rhi, you cannot be "Montana frolicking" or "Maryland sashaying." I don't know what they taught you in Barbados, but we do NOT talk like that. Keep the voice. Change the lyrics. Kthanx

Peace out,
Consuela

Back to my Mother and the Motherland

After facing my fear of flying for the thousandth time this year, I somehow made it back to the US, overweight baggage and all. My last weeks in Istanbul were surprisingly easier than I expected. I think because it had been so long since I had seen my family and because I had my internship to look forward to in ‘Murika, I was mentally prepared to go home. Oh, and some people were on momma’s last nerve…but it’s all good now.

To recap my last weeks in Turk-land:
1. I went to visit my friend Gizem in Ankara, the capital city. A-town has a bad rap amongst Turks and foreigners because it’s not as glamorous or lively as Isty. Well, those people can kiss my ass. I enjoyed Anky a lot and got my own little personal tour thanks to Gizmo. I miss that girl. Saying hoşçakal was hard, but I hope to see her in the near future. Couldn’t have survived those first few weeks Gizemsiz!

2. I somehow lost my Residence Permit (the thing that I cried over and was a pain in the ass to get), which was just FANTASTIC! I thought that, Oprah forbid, Turkey might have some sort of system where they keep track of all the foreign people living in their country so that they can just print out a new stupid booklet for me. Nope. I had to go back to the fires of Turkish hell THREE more times to REAPPLY and PAY 150 lira AGAIN. And all I needed it for was to leave the country. All that hard work and the guy at the airport looked at it for 0.239 seconds. Really, Turkey? REALLY??!!

3. Went on a boat cruise with my roomies=one of the best days ever. We rented a private boat to take us around the Sea of Marmara south of Istanbul and it was just one of those days where you can’t complain about anything (even if you’re nickname is White Wine). We brought food and booze and we were set. The weather was amazing and the islands we saw were beautiful. Our captain was drunk as f*%$ but we survived. Be Jello-z!

For all of you who are wondering, America is treating me fantabulously! I had a frickin awesome time in Istanbul this past year and am so thankful to have met all the kool kids I did, but it is DAMN good to be back. People here speak English WELL and they use dollars! I don’t have take out tons of money from the ATM and stockpile it in my dresser drawer! I can use a drier to dry my laundry (although Carol Ann has been doing all my laundry lately) and I have a door to my bedroom! ☺ You know what’s the best? CHEAP ALKY-HOL!!! 60 lira for a bottle of shitty tequila? Nope. I can buy Jose for under $20. Crappy wine? Hayir, I’mma buy a box…for myself. TIP IT!!! Efes? Yok. Bacardi Breezers all day!!!!

My internship is going well. I like everyone I work with and I only have to work three days a week. You know what I do on Tuesdays and Thursdays? Sit.on.my.bony.butt. I also go running. But back to my internship: The office is located on top of a frozen yogurt shop=dangerous. I will be broker than I am by the end of the summer. One kind of crappy part about working in DC is the commute. If my parents were normal, we wouldn’t live so far away, but their illogicality and desire to live in Red Neck-ville, USA means that it takes two and a half hours to get my internship! So, FIVE HOURS of my day is spent in transportation. Right now, I don’t mind it so much. I get to spend time with my Momma on the drive to the train station and the train ride to DC. I can also read and get my sudoku on. But, what if I want to go out in the city? Things get a little tricky. I guess I’ll have to worry about that when I actually get invited to something haha. And, it’s only been one week. Need me some bitches to hang out with. Yani, Carol Ann is off the chain, but she’s also fifty years old and my mother. And still can’t come to terms with the fact that I drink alcohol, with the intention of getting drunk.

But overall, I’m excited about this summer!!!

P.S. I dominated my classes at Bogazici this semester. So, all you h8-ers, including my Sociology advisor, can.suck.it!

P.S.S. I miss Tarkan :( Do you think he misses me too?

Riding da Bus!

Istanbul, being such a unique city, has a very unique network of transportation. There are SO many ways of getting around: bus, taxi, ferry, tram, metro, metrobus (not the same as metro or bus), trains (sometimes), and good old walking. Last semester, I lived in the neighborhood right next to my university so I could just walk to class everyday. This semester, I moved to a different neighborhood, which is farther away from campus but more centrally located in Istanbul. My new home, Besiktas (pronounced besh-ik-tash), requires me to take a bus to class everyday. Having public transportation to use is a godsend after having lived in Norman, Oklahoma, where a car is pretty much essential to get around. Yet, I have encountered some difficulty getting accustomed to using the city's transport system. This morning, I had a rougher than normal experience on the bus, and would like to voice some tips for Turks on how to ride the bus in a way that does not affect other passengers (a.k.a. ME) negatively.

1. Pick a spot! When you get on the bus, if there is no place to sit, then you have to stand. Find a spot where there is enough room for your entire physical being to be positioned and then stay there. If there is not a lot of room in a particular spot, don't stand there. Don't lean on me. Don't find a spot where every time YOU move, my backpack moves also. If we are both holding onto the handrail, our hands should not be touching for the whole bus ride. Sorular var mı?
2. The buses can get really hot when so many people are on them. Therefore, do not wear your WINTER COAT if you know it's gonna get hot! It makes you hot and everyone else on the bus hot. Plus, it's May. Do you really think it's THAT cold?
3. If it gets rully hot, open a window. The sweat dripping down my face should be a sign to you that something's up. I know I sweat a lot so sorry, but if we could keep a nice breeze going up in here, it might not be so bad.
4. DO NOT FART WHILE ON THE BUS! (EVER)
5. Don't stand in front of the door if you're not going to get out at the next stop. It makes both of our lives more difficult.
6. Have your money ready when you get on the bus. Not when you're on the bus and preventing the 20 people behind you from getting on.
7. Don't ride the bus when you're getting off two bus stops later. Walk a little. It won't hurt you.

If you can follow these rules for bus etiquette, I think all of our lives will be 100 times better. It can be cramped when 15+ million are all trying to get around the city, but let's try to make the transportation experience as pleasant as possible, tamam mı?

G4 Summit and Reflections

Dear lovers,
I’ve been in a funk these past couple of days and feel that I owe an update to you. Last week was our spring break and I spent my time traveling with my fellow Gs through Georgia, Armenia, and the Eastern part of Turkey. With my roommate Julia, fellow Sooner in Istanbul Matt (Princess), and one of my besticles straight off the plane Seth (Avril), we somehow accomplished everything we set out to do. Two days in Georgia, two days in Armenia, and 41 consecutive hours of non-stop traveling to Van, Turkey tired me the fuck out. It was an awesome G4 Summit and some of the things we saw were amazing, but it’s good to be home back in the ‘bul.
Some very important observations I have:
1. Georgian men>Armenian men
2. Armenian men love to wear all white. Maybe they all virgins.
3. The best cure for explosive diarrhea is to not eat anything=not fun.
4. Never travel in Eastern Turkey by bus. Everyone’s a liar and everyone stares.
5. I lost my residence permit. And I’m fucked. Fantastic!

I miss Seth. ☹ My room smells too clean. Please come back and bring more alcohol from duty free. I’ll take you to Machine and Tek Yon. We can give each other Kataturk (temporary) tattoos. Please? Pretty please?

But I’m not emotional.

I guess things are downhill from here in my study abroad experience. It’s weird to think that in less than two months I’ll be back in the states and in most ways, back to reality.
These are some of the things in Turkey I will miss though:
1. Eating out all the time
2. Bad English
3. Being able to get some
4. Wet hamburgers and mussels
5. Public transportation
6. My apartment
7. Being close to Gizmo
8. Turklish

Things I won’t miss:
1. Bad English “Yes, please!”
2. Vicious dogs that bite
3. People who walk slow
4. People who always ask how much the bus costs (Ne kadar?)
5. Stares o’clock
6. People cheating me out of money
7. Not having a dryer
8. Squatty potties
9. Assholes at the residence permit office


All of these reflections stem from the realization that soon enough, I actually have to stop living in this fantasy world where all I seem to do is eat, drink, and travel. I found out that I was offered an internship at the American Task Force on Palestine in DC. I’m uber excited about the opportunity and hope it will be a great experience. My first day is June 13th. My last final exam is June 9th…Jet leg and I are going to be best friends for the first few days after I get back. I also don’t have a ticket to go home. I’m hoping that maybe something will cost under $900 eventually…maybe…please? It sucks balls looking at ticket prices. I think my flight home might actually cost more than what I have in my bank account. So essited for credit card debt!!! Maybe if someone gave me the PITF, this wouldn’t be a problem, now would it?? ☺ Whatevs. Life goes on. At least, I won’t be spending the entire summer watching iCarly with my little sister while getting shitfaced off of mimozas. That does actually sound kind of nice right now though.

But I’ll leave you with that for now. Just ate a fuck-ton of kebab and had a waffle for dessert. Now, gonna watch some Desperate Housewives. Life is just so difficult when you study abroad!

“When the Bootycalled Becomes the Bootycaller” (Title of My Autobiography)

Between the end of last semester and now, what has happened? I WILL TELL YOU!

Trip #1: Lebanon with my fran/now roommate Julia for about a week in February.
Observations:
1. I’m a badass for going to L-non after I’ve been to Israel. Wha what! Didn’t let them stamp my passport in Israel.
2. Where all the people in Beirut? It was like a ghost town there. I feel like I saw more police officers and army peeps than actual civilians.
3. EVERYONE STARES AT YOU. In Turkey, people don’t really notice that I’m not foreign unless I start speaking English. And even then, they never make a big deal about it. But in Lebanon, people just STARED at us from a mile away. People walking on the street, driving in their cars, old people, young people…I felt like I had whale tail or something! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whale_tail) It might just not be that common to see a couple of whiteys roaming the streets but damn, didn’t yo’ momma teach you anything?
4. Every single taxi honks at you. “Taxi? Taxi?” they say. Do you think I want a taxi if I’m walking the opposite direction and trying to avoid eye contact with you? NO!
5. Randomly ran into someone I went to high school with in Costa Rica. The UWC world is SO small!
6. Lebanon really is a beautiful place. My previous comments might seem negative, but it was a nice trip. Biblos and Baalbeck are awesome. Wiki that shit!

Trip #2: Bordeaux to visit my friend Seth.
Highlights:
1. Speculoos is the shit! Brought two jars back with me.
2. I want to be Irish so I can say weird things like “your man”
3. People buy me drinks at the GCs (gay clubs) there. Not such much in Istanbul.
4. Best part of entire trip: walk of shame home alone in the rain through the streets of B-town. Guy wears make-up and put his Facebook status as “American Boy” the next day. Awkward much? Plus, I came home with a sore throat…Please judge me.

New Semester
Bogazici needs to get off its high horse. Their registration and scheduling process seems like a 3rd grader designed it and it took me almost three weeks just to get into four classes. Love Isty still, kind of over BU although your campus is really pretty.
P.S. Turkish students do not know how to walk! Get out my way!!!

Positive: Made friends with two of the OU kidz here this semester. Hardcore shoutouts o’clock to Courtney and Matt! <3
Negative: The Bogazici University Gay Club still only has four members:
Co-presidents: Julia and Myself
Drunk secret teller: Matt
Turkish outreach liason: Courtmew
If you know anyone who is interested in joining, please tell him or her to come to an informational meeting in my bedroom. Directions: walk up four flights of stairs and walk through some rainbow streamers. Trannies are welcome also.

Trip #3: Netherlands and Belgium to visit our very lekker Erasmus friends from last semester. Miss them again already!
Happenings:
1. Rainbow flags everywhere!
2. Bought a space cake and then lost the bag. Dumb bitch me.
3. Moving to Amsterdam or Brussels at some point inshallah ☺


Fun Facts:
1. Got bit by a dog because my phone rang. Apparently, they don’t like my ringtone. Had to get four rabies shots over three weeks. However, I did not have to pay for anything. #cheap4life
2. Got bootycalled by a Turk right after we got back from Brussels. Turned it down because I was tired and had class the next morning. The very next night I tried to return the request. Didn’t even get a response after texting some very explicit messages. I don’t understand. #confusedfatgirlalone4eva
3. G3 Summit is happening. Gerogia, Armenia, Nagorno-Karabakh, and eastern Turkey best watch out! #pleasedontshootus

End of the Semester: The Sequel! (Burfday and Franzz)

Do you think I passed my mofo Human Rights class? DO YOU? Well...I did, but we'll get to that in a sec. First, I want to give you the scoop on my life since Trabzon-istan.

The very next weekend after our T-zy trip coincidentally was my burfday! Usually, I think birthdays are fun and all, but I really hate mine, especially because I was turning 17 (or 22), which is just a shitty age. Who wants to be 22? Twenty-one is cool in the US because everyone buys you alcohol but at 22, everyone expects you to buy yo' own booze...and you just plain old! I did end up having a really good day though. That Saturday night (the bday), a group of about 20 people and I went to a really cool restaurant on the Anatolian side of Istanbul (that in Asia). I invited my friend "Maranda" for the night. Here she is:



Yeah, she’s pretty slutty, but she likes to have a good time, so I thought, WHY THE FUCK NOT? She was under my clothes all night (the little tramp!). Speaking of which, I had a dragon temporary tattoo tramp stamp going on that night too. So, I was a damn hot mess and am glad I didn’t go home with anyone because they would have thought I was tranny shit. But, my friends and I ate good food together and then went out for the night and had some fun. I didn’t get all 22 kisses on camera like I wanted but momma got enough.

AND! Because I’m so fekking cool, and I know you all want to see, I took pictures of myself with all my birthday presents!!! I know! All the cool kids are doing that. So here we go:


Cool book and card from mah gurl Julia. (BTW, that is not a true statement)


Brenna done good! Got me a jersey from my fav team. bir, iki, üç, TRABZON!


Nice red shirt from my international ladies. Special guest star: my bear hamper


Bigass poster of the best, Tarkan. He looks at me all the time ;)


Schtuff from the Oklahoma peepul. gloves (Cindy), infinity scarf (Elizabeth), peanut butter (Lauren) Lookin' fly!


pajay-jay pants and the total pillow courtesy of Cindy Sue, total pillow Olympian

Thanks to all my wonderful bitches for the presents and just for coming to my dinner! I had a really great time!

Now, after burfday, you know what happened?! DO YOU?? Two of my fav biznatches came all the way from ‘Murka just to visit ME (and Turkey). Cindy and Lauren came on December 28th and stayed for about two weeks. I am so thankful them cool gurls came and I think they had a good time too. We went to all the touristy stuff in Isty: Hagia Sophia, Blue Mosque, Basilica Cistern, Topkapi Palace, Ortakoy, my university campus, Taksim, Besiktas…(wikipedia this shiz if you don’t know it!). After loads of laughs and sightseeing locally, we left the city with a hunger for ADVENTURE! From I-bul, we took a ferry and bus to get the city of Bursa, followed by Izmir the next day. From there, we flew to Athens, the birthplace of democracy and home of many ancient ruins. Nowadays, the city looks like the god of Eurotrash threw up all over it. We saw people shooting up heroin twice, once at night, and once at noon in a public park. Makes me want to democratically elect someone to clean that place UP! The ancient ruins like the Acropolis and the Agora were awesome, but overall, we were not as impressed with A-town as we expected to be. The second night in Greece, we took an overnight train to Thessaloniki, the country’s second largest city and the birthplace of Ataturk (holler). I had expected to leave straight from there to come back to Istanbul, since my Human Rights professor (being a little meanie again) had originally told me that I could miss the final and make it up when I came back from traveling. But! After making all the travel plans, homegurl changed her mind. CHANGED HER MIND! Who does that? WHO.does.that? So needless to say, I needed to haul ass back. My friends decided they had had enough with Greasy Greece anyways so we all took a longass ride on a double decker bus (fancy) back home. The very next day, I had to pack my brain with Human Rights information in preparation for my exam that afternoon. This turned out to be useless because my professor decided to ask questions on the exam that we had never studied before. We studied the Israeli invasion of Gaza from 2008-2009 in class, but she asked a question about the flotilla shit that happened this summer. Who da fuck does that? If I take a class about horses, do you think it’s fair to ask you a question on the final exam about zebras?? NO! That ain’t right! That’s why I was sweating bullets about my grade in that class.

But back to my friends. I had an amazing time with Lauren and Cindy and I miss them a lot. We had lots of fun and it was really cool to get drunk with them again. It’s so cool to think that they came this far for a visit (and to see Turkey/Greece). It’s really nice. ☺

Now, the semester has finally ended. I passed all my classes and somehow even managed to get a C in Human Rights. I could give a shit what the grade is, I just needed to pass to get credit at my university and I did. Never taking a class from that professor again!

Coming up in my blog!
1. New students coming to Bogazici for spring semester. Will there be any cute ones? Will I make friends?
2. I’m going on a mystery trip to a place that may or may not have just been having problems with its government=ADVENTURE/I’m bringing Depends just in case I get scared!
3. Going to France to visit a friend-sicle!
4. I think I’m going to be broke by the end of the semester. DAMMMMIT!
5. I now live in Beşiktaş! Wha Wha!!

End of the Semester: Volume I (Natashas and Bad Grades)

It's been a while since I've clued you guys in on how my life as an Istanbul exchange student/supermodel/go-go boy is shaping up. My last post let you know that I got fat from eating too much at Bayram and that I was very emotional in getting my Residence Permit. I'm still emotional (will get to this later) but I don't think I'm as fat, maybe just a lil' jiggles (SHOUT OUT TO CARRIE! KA-DI-MA!!!)

After my adventures through Turkey with my mom's friend Ilknur, I came back to Istanbul, well rested and well fed. I was ready to take on the rest of my semester. RAAARR!!! That's how excited I was! A couple weeks after returning, I went on a weekend trip with my friends Brenna and Julia to the city of Trabzon on the Black Sea. If you didn't figurr it out yet, for that trip, we were PB&J. Holler. It turned out to be an awesome weekend although not everything went according to plan. To start off, I made a reservation (IN TURKISH) for the hotel we were planning on staying at ahead of time. After getting tipsy at the airport (because I don't like flying), and arriving at one in the morning in T-Zon, the man at the hotel told us that there was no room. #1 Someone at that hotel is fekking stupid and #2 Where wuz we gonna sleep? Luckily, the man drove us IN HIS CAR to another hotel (not the best idea) which turned out to be cheaper. It DID look like a log cabin inside and I WAS afraid there were aliens in the bathroom, but we made it work. The other problem we encountered was that our plane on the way back to Isty got delayed more than three hours. This meant my drunkenness wore off by the time we took off and I got a little scurred at times. But, we arrived in one piece and even got reimbursed for the return ticket. This means that for a round-trip ticket to Trabzon (about an hour and fifteen minutes each way) I paid under $35. Suck.On.That.
While in Trabzon, we went to awesome places like a big lake called Uzungöl (meaning "long lake" in Turkish=so creative, I know) and the Sümela Monastery. Feel free to look at my FB pics or wikipedia that. It was some dope shit. It's my favorite city in Turkey so far and I would recommend anyone to travel there. Just beware of the Russian prostitutes, locally known as "Natashas". (I don't make this stuff up)

Transition to me crying:
After a fun-filled weekend in Trabzies, I came home and checked my email. There, I found an email from my political science professor saying that she had FINALLY graded our mid-term exams. I was excited because I thought I did really well...and I'm a big loser who cares about his grades. Here comes the good part. I got the LOWEST grade in the class!! Let me rephrase that, out of ALL the students in the class, both Turkish and foreign, including people who come to class 20 minutes late or don't come at all, and people who don't do the reading or participate in class, out of all of them, I (Peter Jones, model extraordinaire) did the worst...by a lot. So, I went to talk to my prof, thinking there had been a mistake. I was wrong. She told me how amazed she was that I did such a horrible job since I seem intelligent. She said to me that, "This paper (mine) is not the paper of an intelligent person." It took everything I had not to cry in front of her. Instead, I went to the bathroom and cried for like 10 minutes. I know that it's not the end of the world to fail a class but when I started thinking of all the things that go with it: possibly losing my scholarship, my parents being disappointed at me, the fact that I did all the readings and tried my best, THAT got my tear ducts working. I was a mess and still am to this day. I had my final about two weeks ago and it went horribly. She asked the most frustrating questions and now, I'm wearing Depends permanently because when I think about my grade in that class (which is all the time), I wet myself a little (just a little, OK???)
So, when I find out my grade in the coming week, I will either be relieved that I managed to pass that class or I will exercise my freedom of speech and someone is getting a strongly worded letter. Huh? Whatchu think about that?
(P.S. We learned about free speech in that class. That's why it's ironic.)