As my last winter break as a college student comes to a close, I decided to reflect on all that has happened in the month since last semester’s classes finished (and my 23rd birthday eww). This winter break was anything but cold in terms of juicy shit in my life. It was HOT HOT HOT! I faced my fear of flying with a record-breaking five flights. On the way back to Oklahoma, I thought I wasn’t going to make it because it felt like we were attacked by a swarm of pterodactyls. Maybe watching Lost isn’t good for my phobia…
My parents live in the high-class town of Front Royal, Virginia where banks count their coins by hand and the county fair has midget wrestling so that is where I was for most of the break. For Christmas, we went down to a cabin my parents have in Georgia. It was on the nine-hour car ride that I realized that I have a new phobia: road trips. After crawling out of the back windshield of a flipped car last semester, I’m not really happy to be trapped in a car for long periods of time. I especially hate passing semis, RVs, or any other vehicle that has the potential to 1) crush me or 2) force me off the road. But somehow we made it there and back in one piece. The cabin doesn’t have internet or really anything to do, but it was nice to relax and spend time with family…for the first day or so.
I also took a trip to visit my grandparents in New Jersey for a weekend with my mom. That’s only five hours away so the car ride didn’t make me as anxious. It was on the way back that I decided to tell my mom that I’m gay once and for all. I’ve wanted to come out to my family for a while and I thought that they were becoming more open to the idea. But ever since I came back from Turkey, they have seemed uber weird about anything relevant to gay people and sometimes even talk to me about bringing girls home. I know you’re probably reading this thinking “How does Peter’s family not know? He’s SOOOO gay!” First, you’re a shithead and two, my parents were in the military and are conservative and don’t really understand the concept of gay because they know zero gay people. But I decided to do it in this five-hour car trip so that my mom couldn’t run away from me. It could have been super awkward but it actually went quite well. She’s supportive and wanted me to know that she loves me, etc etc. But once we got to talking more, she got a little too confident and looking back, it kind of makes me a little uncomfortable. She went from “we kind of suspected” to “yeah, well we’ve known for forever because your stepdad caught you looking at gay porn that one time in seventh grade”. She also asked me if I’m attracted to black guys and proceeded to tell me that she’s never been sexually attracted to them. The biggest overshare was when she decided to let me know that my 12-year-old sister is expecting to get her period any day now. Thanks, Carol Ann for your support with my gaydom but we don’t need to get that close.
Now that I’m back in Norman, Oklahoma, the asshole boy capital of America, I’d like to make a list of resolutions for this coming semester:
1. Regain some of the confidence I lost in the fall. After being the hot American in Istanbul, I was at about an 8 on a scale of 1-10. After multiple failed attempts at hooking up/relationships (?) and even more embarrassing run-ins with boys, I am now at about a 4, a 5 on good days. I haven’t exactly decided how to regain this confidence but I have a whole semester.
2. Run a half marathon. It’s pretty self-explanatory. Somehow I got to get this boney ass across the finish line. Is it going to be easy? No. But it’s going to happen.
3. Figure out what I’m doing with my life. Red Lobster is still an option, but not my ideal choice. I’d like to find a job in a city where I’m considered attractive, so that eliminates most places in America…
Lots o’ luh!
Monday, January 16, 2012
Monday, October 31, 2011
Rejection Plus Acceptance
Being back in Oklahoma after studying abroad for an entire year has really surprised me. The things I expected to be good at…aren’t really working out. And things that I expected to be lame are actually super fun.
School is pretty much all I’m good at these days and I guess that’s going pretty well. Go to class, study, do homework, take a test, it’s all whatevs. I’m ready to graduate but that’s where things get fuzzy. I’ve always been one to be proactive and think about things in the future and all that stuff. And I have been. I’ve already done a lot to prepare for next year. The problem is none of them have worked out.
1. Four fellowships for next year. Applied. Rejected in first round.
2. Campus award. Applied. Rejected. (No surprise. Should have stayed in Norman and helped plan “DaD’s DaY” or “DaNcE mArAtHoN” and done some BS study abroad like “ZOMG! 3 days in Peru+6 hours of non-western upper division credit for 5 million dollars” if I wanted that.)
3. I also took the Foreign Service Officer Test to decide if I could work in an embassy. Sounds cool right? I failed the test by 1.25 points!!! ☹
So, things haven’t really been going my way with regard to my future. It stings to be rejected so much by October of my senior year, but box wine (a.k.a. juice boxes) help me cope. It’s funny because honestly I think study abroad was the thing that messed that up for me. Try taking a break from your life and then coming back to it in a year and see how successful you are. The plus side of this is that now I can make new friends really quick because I don’t know anyone! Which brings me to my next point.
After three whole years of not being noticed, I have finally been accepted with open arms by the gay community of Norman, Oklahoma!!! They were ready for me before I even got back from Turkey. It was gay add Peter o’clock and I ate that shit up. Now, I meet them for like two seconds or call them an asshole and then they add me on FB. Who would have thought?
What’s my secret? Be a big douchebag! With most people, being nice and outgoing will usually lead to a good friendship. Wiff duh gays of Okla, they live for the sass. Just tell them all the gossip you’ve heard about them behind their backs. Instant friendship!
Yeah, so maybe this isn’t a foolproof plan. I ideally would like to keep some of these friendships and not just converse with these people while intoxicated. I also would not like to be working at a Red Lobster after I graduate. I mean the cheddar biscuits would be bomb for a while but I hope things don’t come to that.
Wish me luck faithful blog followers!
School is pretty much all I’m good at these days and I guess that’s going pretty well. Go to class, study, do homework, take a test, it’s all whatevs. I’m ready to graduate but that’s where things get fuzzy. I’ve always been one to be proactive and think about things in the future and all that stuff. And I have been. I’ve already done a lot to prepare for next year. The problem is none of them have worked out.
1. Four fellowships for next year. Applied. Rejected in first round.
2. Campus award. Applied. Rejected. (No surprise. Should have stayed in Norman and helped plan “DaD’s DaY” or “DaNcE mArAtHoN” and done some BS study abroad like “ZOMG! 3 days in Peru+6 hours of non-western upper division credit for 5 million dollars” if I wanted that.)
3. I also took the Foreign Service Officer Test to decide if I could work in an embassy. Sounds cool right? I failed the test by 1.25 points!!! ☹
So, things haven’t really been going my way with regard to my future. It stings to be rejected so much by October of my senior year, but box wine (a.k.a. juice boxes) help me cope. It’s funny because honestly I think study abroad was the thing that messed that up for me. Try taking a break from your life and then coming back to it in a year and see how successful you are. The plus side of this is that now I can make new friends really quick because I don’t know anyone! Which brings me to my next point.
After three whole years of not being noticed, I have finally been accepted with open arms by the gay community of Norman, Oklahoma!!! They were ready for me before I even got back from Turkey. It was gay add Peter o’clock and I ate that shit up. Now, I meet them for like two seconds or call them an asshole and then they add me on FB. Who would have thought?
What’s my secret? Be a big douchebag! With most people, being nice and outgoing will usually lead to a good friendship. Wiff duh gays of Okla, they live for the sass. Just tell them all the gossip you’ve heard about them behind their backs. Instant friendship!
Yeah, so maybe this isn’t a foolproof plan. I ideally would like to keep some of these friendships and not just converse with these people while intoxicated. I also would not like to be working at a Red Lobster after I graduate. I mean the cheddar biscuits would be bomb for a while but I hope things don’t come to that.
Wish me luck faithful blog followers!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Hot and Dangerous
Yo lovers!
Wanna hear about my shitty but very entertaining love life in Norman? Well, let's get on it!!!
I've never had much luck dating in Oklahoma, or in America for that matter. I can't really come to any conclusions on why that happens but it's the truth. I think it's because they love the gama (gay drama) and I just like foreigners. But since I've been back, weird. things. are. happening.
1. I have been gay added on facebook SO MANY TIMES both while I was abroad and since I've been back, and I'm loving it like it's fucking McDonald's. I hope they read my blogs too so then I can be interwebz famous at OU.
2. Went to a party a couple weeks ago and kissed someone (heaven forbid!). Of course, that has led to nothing and I can't understand why. Maybe I AM a bad kisser like Cindy told me that one time...
3. This is the best story ever. Predrank at a friend's place this weekend before going to Campus Corner for one of the foreign people parties. One of my friends invited a friend that he was semi-intersted in. I thought he was dorky cute, but I backed off because bros before hos, right? (P.S. this rule never applies to the gay community of Oklahoma) But anyway, things didn't work between them and somehow I got to talking to my friend's friend. The conversation turned to other things and we eventually decided that we'd go home together after the party. The whole party I had this in my mind. I even felt bad after someone else grinded on me. We finally left the party and decided to walk to my house from Campus Corner. According to Google Maps, that is a 1.6 mile walk that should take 31 minutes. Keep that in mind. We get all the way to my house, I use the bathroom for two seconds. When I come out, he's not there any more. THAT BITCH IS GONE! HE RAN AWAY FROM ME!!! You would think that during those 31 minutes of walking, you might have had time to change your mind. Nope. It was during those two seconds that I was in the bathroom. And could you say "hey, I'm not interested any more" or leave a note? Nope. Ran. Away. It's like dine and dash but you didn't eat anything. What's the point?
So, boys have been testing my self-esteem lately. I don't know whether to be flattered that they're interested in me for a part of an evening or be offended that they quit it before they even hit it.
NO MORE AMERICAN GAMA PLZ. I'VE DECIDED I'M MOVING TO GERMANY.
Wanna hear about my shitty but very entertaining love life in Norman? Well, let's get on it!!!
I've never had much luck dating in Oklahoma, or in America for that matter. I can't really come to any conclusions on why that happens but it's the truth. I think it's because they love the gama (gay drama) and I just like foreigners. But since I've been back, weird. things. are. happening.
1. I have been gay added on facebook SO MANY TIMES both while I was abroad and since I've been back, and I'm loving it like it's fucking McDonald's. I hope they read my blogs too so then I can be interwebz famous at OU.
2. Went to a party a couple weeks ago and kissed someone (heaven forbid!). Of course, that has led to nothing and I can't understand why. Maybe I AM a bad kisser like Cindy told me that one time...
3. This is the best story ever. Predrank at a friend's place this weekend before going to Campus Corner for one of the foreign people parties. One of my friends invited a friend that he was semi-intersted in. I thought he was dorky cute, but I backed off because bros before hos, right? (P.S. this rule never applies to the gay community of Oklahoma) But anyway, things didn't work between them and somehow I got to talking to my friend's friend. The conversation turned to other things and we eventually decided that we'd go home together after the party. The whole party I had this in my mind. I even felt bad after someone else grinded on me. We finally left the party and decided to walk to my house from Campus Corner. According to Google Maps, that is a 1.6 mile walk that should take 31 minutes. Keep that in mind. We get all the way to my house, I use the bathroom for two seconds. When I come out, he's not there any more. THAT BITCH IS GONE! HE RAN AWAY FROM ME!!! You would think that during those 31 minutes of walking, you might have had time to change your mind. Nope. It was during those two seconds that I was in the bathroom. And could you say "hey, I'm not interested any more" or leave a note? Nope. Ran. Away. It's like dine and dash but you didn't eat anything. What's the point?
So, boys have been testing my self-esteem lately. I don't know whether to be flattered that they're interested in me for a part of an evening or be offended that they quit it before they even hit it.
NO MORE AMERICAN GAMA PLZ. I'VE DECIDED I'M MOVING TO GERMANY.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
End of Summer/Beginning of School
After a summer of endless commutes, uncomfortable swamp-ass, and a variety of medical conditions, my time in Virginia/DC came to a close. From there, I embarked on my wonderful two-day road trip to Oklahoma. On the bright side, I was expecting to spend at least 21 hours on the road but somehow made it in a little over 18 including pitstops. Plus, no run-ins with the law. And who says I’m not a good driver?
Highlight of the trip/Scariest moment of my life:
I stopped just west of Memphis, TN in a town creatively enough called West Memphis, AR. (Fun things that have happened in WM: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/West_Memphis_Three) I found the closest motel and booked a room. I was on cloud nine because I had made such good time the first day and could now relax in my luxurious Super 8 suite. But, when I was returning to my room after hitting up the local Taco Bell, I had a conversation that freaked me the fuck out. Here’s how it went.
Sketchy guy standing outside Super 8: Hey, I know you, don’t I?
Me: Excuse me?
Sketch: You’re from Virginia, right?
Me: Yeah (walk off)
Moments later, I realized that the only way he knew I was from Vir-jayjay was by seeing the license plate of my car. And then it hit me. HE WAS GOING TO STEAL MY CAR!!! I went from being in a great mood to being paranoid that I was going to wake up the next morning stranded with no car. So, the whole night, I woke up almost every hour, walked to the window to check that my car was still there, and then went back to sleep. Luckily, Cleatus (my vehicle) was still there when I finally got up and I hauled ass out of WM.
Where duh friends?
Made it back to OK safely, finally got settled in Norman and then….(cricket, cricket). Where are my old friends? Oh wait, they all graduated and moved away, dated a friend without telling me and now it’s awkward, or just stopped talking to me for some reason. Cool beans, right? So, I’ve had my make-new-friends clothes on the whole time I’ve been back. New roommates, study abroad buddies, and co-workers have all been good sources of friends. I went to my first APO meeting last week. It made me so sad. Everyone looked at me like “Who da feck are you and why you be up in my APO meeting?” (or at least they did in my head). I’ve only been gone for a year and somehow I went from friendly, funny fellowship chair Peter who was the president’s roommate to old balls. This won’t deter me though. If I could, I would sing this everyone in APO and e’eryone I want to be my friend:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6b1EpJE-ox0
(And yes, I would wear that same outfit)
Classes
I’ve known since before I started college that I was going to go for four full years. I mean that’s normal, right? Sure, I went to a special high school in Costa Rica for two years and therefore, I graduate when I was 19, but graduating university at 23 isn’t too old, is it? Well, my mom begs to differ and openly voiced her opinion this summer. She told me I’m almost 30 and it’s about time I graduated. No joke. So, thanks to Carol Ann, I now feel friendless AND old. I started my first day of classes and instantly wanted to flash forward to graduation day May 2012. It was hard for me to realize that I was in class with people who were potentially 19 or 20. Gross! But, after the first week, I now realize that I can suck it up and finish my senior year without age being a problem. You know what is a problem? There be so many dumb people in my classes! I guess that’s due to the fact that I’m taking three Spanish classes where the language of instruction is English. Go figure! I’m also taking a class about Judaism for my Judaic Studies minor and because I love da Jewcy Jews! But what do you think we talk about in that class? CHRISTIANS!!! I guess that’s what you get when you go to school in Oklahoma where everyone just wants to talk about their own religion, why it’s the best thing since tater tots, and then convert you.
A letter to American GAYS
After my last blog post, I feel that I had to incorporate this topic somehow. Gays in America are no fun, in my opinion. Why? Because they don’t like me. They either think I’m disgustingly ugly or that I’m trying hardcore to hit on them. 1. I’m hot stuff and 2. Don’t flatter yourself. So, what’s my plan? DON’T.TRY.AT.ALL. Gays are stereotyped as having a keen sense of fashion and high hygiene standards. Well you know what? I’m not going to. Listen up gringo gays! You’re going have to put up with my mismatched frumpy clothes, hairy body, and pasty skin. That’s right. You didn’t want it when I tried so feck off. Get your hairspray cloud AWAY from me, betches!
But overall, things are going well here in Norman. It’s definitely taking some time to adjust, but if I can live in Turkey for a year, I’m sure I can figure things out here pretty quick. Gonna miss my number one Asian Persuasion and mistake pickle eater Cindy Sue when she leaves, but I’m glad our paths crossed once again. Until we meet again faithful blog readers.
Highlight of the trip/Scariest moment of my life:
I stopped just west of Memphis, TN in a town creatively enough called West Memphis, AR. (Fun things that have happened in WM: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/West_Memphis_Three) I found the closest motel and booked a room. I was on cloud nine because I had made such good time the first day and could now relax in my luxurious Super 8 suite. But, when I was returning to my room after hitting up the local Taco Bell, I had a conversation that freaked me the fuck out. Here’s how it went.
Sketchy guy standing outside Super 8: Hey, I know you, don’t I?
Me: Excuse me?
Sketch: You’re from Virginia, right?
Me: Yeah (walk off)
Moments later, I realized that the only way he knew I was from Vir-jayjay was by seeing the license plate of my car. And then it hit me. HE WAS GOING TO STEAL MY CAR!!! I went from being in a great mood to being paranoid that I was going to wake up the next morning stranded with no car. So, the whole night, I woke up almost every hour, walked to the window to check that my car was still there, and then went back to sleep. Luckily, Cleatus (my vehicle) was still there when I finally got up and I hauled ass out of WM.
Where duh friends?
Made it back to OK safely, finally got settled in Norman and then….(cricket, cricket). Where are my old friends? Oh wait, they all graduated and moved away, dated a friend without telling me and now it’s awkward, or just stopped talking to me for some reason. Cool beans, right? So, I’ve had my make-new-friends clothes on the whole time I’ve been back. New roommates, study abroad buddies, and co-workers have all been good sources of friends. I went to my first APO meeting last week. It made me so sad. Everyone looked at me like “Who da feck are you and why you be up in my APO meeting?” (or at least they did in my head). I’ve only been gone for a year and somehow I went from friendly, funny fellowship chair Peter who was the president’s roommate to old balls. This won’t deter me though. If I could, I would sing this everyone in APO and e’eryone I want to be my friend:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6b1EpJE-ox0
(And yes, I would wear that same outfit)
Classes
I’ve known since before I started college that I was going to go for four full years. I mean that’s normal, right? Sure, I went to a special high school in Costa Rica for two years and therefore, I graduate when I was 19, but graduating university at 23 isn’t too old, is it? Well, my mom begs to differ and openly voiced her opinion this summer. She told me I’m almost 30 and it’s about time I graduated. No joke. So, thanks to Carol Ann, I now feel friendless AND old. I started my first day of classes and instantly wanted to flash forward to graduation day May 2012. It was hard for me to realize that I was in class with people who were potentially 19 or 20. Gross! But, after the first week, I now realize that I can suck it up and finish my senior year without age being a problem. You know what is a problem? There be so many dumb people in my classes! I guess that’s due to the fact that I’m taking three Spanish classes where the language of instruction is English. Go figure! I’m also taking a class about Judaism for my Judaic Studies minor and because I love da Jewcy Jews! But what do you think we talk about in that class? CHRISTIANS!!! I guess that’s what you get when you go to school in Oklahoma where everyone just wants to talk about their own religion, why it’s the best thing since tater tots, and then convert you.
A letter to American GAYS
After my last blog post, I feel that I had to incorporate this topic somehow. Gays in America are no fun, in my opinion. Why? Because they don’t like me. They either think I’m disgustingly ugly or that I’m trying hardcore to hit on them. 1. I’m hot stuff and 2. Don’t flatter yourself. So, what’s my plan? DON’T.TRY.AT.ALL. Gays are stereotyped as having a keen sense of fashion and high hygiene standards. Well you know what? I’m not going to. Listen up gringo gays! You’re going have to put up with my mismatched frumpy clothes, hairy body, and pasty skin. That’s right. You didn’t want it when I tried so feck off. Get your hairspray cloud AWAY from me, betches!
But overall, things are going well here in Norman. It’s definitely taking some time to adjust, but if I can live in Turkey for a year, I’m sure I can figure things out here pretty quick. Gonna miss my number one Asian Persuasion and mistake pickle eater Cindy Sue when she leaves, but I’m glad our paths crossed once again. Until we meet again faithful blog readers.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Gays in Istanbul??!!
This is a blog post I wrote for Emre's blog for exchange students at Bogazici. I decided to post it here also to recap my study abroad experience. Enjoy!
When I decided to study abroad, that’s pretty much all I had decided: that I WANTED to study abroad, not where. I had some ideas, but nothing concrete. Initially, I wanted to go somewhere really exotic and experience things that I never had before. But after listening to my friends who had studied abroad before talk about the amazing parties they went to, I thought that maybe I wanted to go to a more western country, where I could get sloshed seven days a week and not give a care about learning a new language, culture, etc. My roommate once talked about her time in Buenos Aires and told me “it’s a shame because all the cute boys were gay.” What a shame indeed! So that also contributed to my thoughts (and made me really want to go to Argentina!) In the end, I chose to study in Turkey because it was unlike any place I had been to before. I had my reservations about my “sloshing” potential in a Muslim country and whether or not I would find a single other gay person in a city with a population of 15 million, but I’m happy to say that my study abroad experience as an American homo in Istanbul was one of the best times of my life.
Coming from a conservative area of the United States, like Oklahoma, society, along with religion, teaches you that most topics relevant to sexuality should be kept hush hush. Now! Try being GAY!!! How fun do you think that is? You’d assume that there are very few people who are comfortably “out” and that most gays either “move to the city” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeahDax24Dg) or use Craig’s List/Adam4Adam/Man Hunt to post pics of their man parts/solicit sexy times…This is pretty much true. And because I never felt comfortable in any of these categories, I became what I call, “a non-active member of the gay community.” So, at parties, when my hetero friends were on the prowl looking for their next hook-up, I was busy being the fat girl, knocking shit over and then passing out alone in my own bed.
Like I said before, I was terrified of being gay in Turkey. I thought I would get stoned or something if anyone found out. All the websites about gay Turkey made me think of dark rooms and chains and lots of sweat and STDs and…and…and I don’t even know what! But I realized that if I could survive being gay in Oklahoma, I could be gay in pretty much any country in the world (except maybe Iran, because they don’t have gays).
Once I arrived in Istanbul, I decided to keep my sexuality on the DL for the first few weeks, at least until I got to know people better. That didn’t really work it. After two beers at the first mixer for exchange students, I was “whispering” to everyone how I like boys! But after coming out in the open with it, things went surprisingly well for me. I found out one of my friends lived with three gay Turks and a few weeks later, one of them took me to a gay club. There, I was introduced to the Istanbul scene. AND. IT. WAS. AWESOME. (in comparison to Oklahoma)
After spending a year in Istanbul and getting to know a variety of places and people (not to brag), I will break down the gay scene and give you some advice on how to work that scene to your advantage.
Internet. Turks and most Europeans like to use Gay Romeo. Like any other gay dating site, it’s pretty much porn. “Show me yours, I’ll show you mine” “What positions do you like?” “Active?/Passive?” that sort of thing. If you’re into that, you’re in luck. Just be careful and if you decide to meet up with someone, do it in public the first time.
Bars and Clubs. There are probably more than a dozen of these in the Taksim district of Istanbul alone, but not all of them are worthwhile. They’re usually expensive and a lot of them just plain suck so no one important is there. My fav is a place called “Tek Yon” and it’s really close to Taksim Square in Cihangir. Ask any gay person and they’ll know it. It plays pretty good club/dance music and there are always lots o’ guys there on the weekends. But! Don’t buy any drinks there and don’t check your coat. Get drunk beforehand if you want and either carry your coat around or stuff it in some corner if you want to have money for a cab ride home.
Peter’s tips to reach your gay potential:
1. Don’t go to gay clubs with girls. I know that in most countries, gays have a token “fag hag” who like totally loves to go gaying, but most G clubs hardly let girls in. Turks like to get right to the point. It may sound strange at first, but you get used to it.
2. Because of tip #1, you’re going to need to some gay friends to go out with you. Try to befriend Turks. They are usually very friendly and their language skills may come in handy. DO NOT make friends with Americans. They are bitches and can go straight back to their pretentious gay commune a.k.a New York City. And Germans are just assholes from MY experience.
3. Say you’re foreign as much as possible. Having brown hair, I sometimes was mistaken for being Turkish. But once I said I was American, BINGO! All eyes were on me, the former fatty from Oklahoma. If you’re blond, you’re in luck. If you have a blond friend, bring him as bait when you go out. Turks will love it!
4. Do not go to a gay club during the week. You will look desperate and it will be EMPTY.
5. Before you go out, know your sexual limits. Turks will only stop if you tell them to. Otherwise, they will run laps around the bases (if you get my drift). Only go home with someone if you want to and use protection as needed. #maternal instinct
I hope my experience and advice will be helpful to you in the future if you’re planning to spend time in Istanbul. Besides being a haven for gays from Turkey and elsewhere, it is an absolutely amazing city full of history and excitement. I cannot imagine having studied abroad anywhere else and hope that you have the time of your life while your there!
iyi şanslar,
Gaymerican Boy
When I decided to study abroad, that’s pretty much all I had decided: that I WANTED to study abroad, not where. I had some ideas, but nothing concrete. Initially, I wanted to go somewhere really exotic and experience things that I never had before. But after listening to my friends who had studied abroad before talk about the amazing parties they went to, I thought that maybe I wanted to go to a more western country, where I could get sloshed seven days a week and not give a care about learning a new language, culture, etc. My roommate once talked about her time in Buenos Aires and told me “it’s a shame because all the cute boys were gay.” What a shame indeed! So that also contributed to my thoughts (and made me really want to go to Argentina!) In the end, I chose to study in Turkey because it was unlike any place I had been to before. I had my reservations about my “sloshing” potential in a Muslim country and whether or not I would find a single other gay person in a city with a population of 15 million, but I’m happy to say that my study abroad experience as an American homo in Istanbul was one of the best times of my life.
Coming from a conservative area of the United States, like Oklahoma, society, along with religion, teaches you that most topics relevant to sexuality should be kept hush hush. Now! Try being GAY!!! How fun do you think that is? You’d assume that there are very few people who are comfortably “out” and that most gays either “move to the city” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeahDax24Dg) or use Craig’s List/Adam4Adam/Man Hunt to post pics of their man parts/solicit sexy times…This is pretty much true. And because I never felt comfortable in any of these categories, I became what I call, “a non-active member of the gay community.” So, at parties, when my hetero friends were on the prowl looking for their next hook-up, I was busy being the fat girl, knocking shit over and then passing out alone in my own bed.
Like I said before, I was terrified of being gay in Turkey. I thought I would get stoned or something if anyone found out. All the websites about gay Turkey made me think of dark rooms and chains and lots of sweat and STDs and…and…and I don’t even know what! But I realized that if I could survive being gay in Oklahoma, I could be gay in pretty much any country in the world (except maybe Iran, because they don’t have gays).
Once I arrived in Istanbul, I decided to keep my sexuality on the DL for the first few weeks, at least until I got to know people better. That didn’t really work it. After two beers at the first mixer for exchange students, I was “whispering” to everyone how I like boys! But after coming out in the open with it, things went surprisingly well for me. I found out one of my friends lived with three gay Turks and a few weeks later, one of them took me to a gay club. There, I was introduced to the Istanbul scene. AND. IT. WAS. AWESOME. (in comparison to Oklahoma)
After spending a year in Istanbul and getting to know a variety of places and people (not to brag), I will break down the gay scene and give you some advice on how to work that scene to your advantage.
Internet. Turks and most Europeans like to use Gay Romeo. Like any other gay dating site, it’s pretty much porn. “Show me yours, I’ll show you mine” “What positions do you like?” “Active?/Passive?” that sort of thing. If you’re into that, you’re in luck. Just be careful and if you decide to meet up with someone, do it in public the first time.
Bars and Clubs. There are probably more than a dozen of these in the Taksim district of Istanbul alone, but not all of them are worthwhile. They’re usually expensive and a lot of them just plain suck so no one important is there. My fav is a place called “Tek Yon” and it’s really close to Taksim Square in Cihangir. Ask any gay person and they’ll know it. It plays pretty good club/dance music and there are always lots o’ guys there on the weekends. But! Don’t buy any drinks there and don’t check your coat. Get drunk beforehand if you want and either carry your coat around or stuff it in some corner if you want to have money for a cab ride home.
Peter’s tips to reach your gay potential:
1. Don’t go to gay clubs with girls. I know that in most countries, gays have a token “fag hag” who like totally loves to go gaying, but most G clubs hardly let girls in. Turks like to get right to the point. It may sound strange at first, but you get used to it.
2. Because of tip #1, you’re going to need to some gay friends to go out with you. Try to befriend Turks. They are usually very friendly and their language skills may come in handy. DO NOT make friends with Americans. They are bitches and can go straight back to their pretentious gay commune a.k.a New York City. And Germans are just assholes from MY experience.
3. Say you’re foreign as much as possible. Having brown hair, I sometimes was mistaken for being Turkish. But once I said I was American, BINGO! All eyes were on me, the former fatty from Oklahoma. If you’re blond, you’re in luck. If you have a blond friend, bring him as bait when you go out. Turks will love it!
4. Do not go to a gay club during the week. You will look desperate and it will be EMPTY.
5. Before you go out, know your sexual limits. Turks will only stop if you tell them to. Otherwise, they will run laps around the bases (if you get my drift). Only go home with someone if you want to and use protection as needed. #maternal instinct
I hope my experience and advice will be helpful to you in the future if you’re planning to spend time in Istanbul. Besides being a haven for gays from Turkey and elsewhere, it is an absolutely amazing city full of history and excitement. I cannot imagine having studied abroad anywhere else and hope that you have the time of your life while your there!
iyi şanslar,
Gaymerican Boy
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Mid-Summer/Visit to the Grandparents/Rhianna
I decided that since I've been back to the good ol' US of A for almost a month, it's time to give a little briefing on how things are going (for doz of u who is interested).
My internship is going well. Things seem to be kind of picking up and I'm getting used to my commute from hell. One of my favs, Noa (like the ark, but without an "h"), no longer works with us which sucks some major ass, but I know that she is deeply regretting her decision to leave. She misses all our faces, especially mine and Sara's. WE HAVE SO MUCH FUN WITHOUT YOU NOA!!!!...(sometimes). But yeah, my drive+train+metro still pisses me off. Cannot get over why my parents chose to live in Front Royal, 1) because it's hella far away from DC and 2) because it's called Front Royal. Still, don't even know what that means. You can't just put two words together and call it a town. "Behind Queen", "Below King": do you want those town names on your job application? I think not! Might as well go live on Breezy Lane in Castle Rock, Colorado. So, FroRo, take my advice, and change the name.
P.S. There are some uber hotties on the metro. Makes me want to work in DC ALL DUH TIME!
Jersey (not the shore)
So, my older sister was in town for a couple of weeks. She just left today :( and I miss her already. My mom decided that since we were both here, she would take us up to visit her parents (our gparents) for the 4th of July weekend. Awesome! I love Gma and Pop pop and I haven't seen them since before I went to Turkey. But, my family is pretty conservez if you haven't heard. My gparents were still freaked out 2 YEARS AFTER i dyed my hair black and grew my stubble out. AND! last summer they almost didn't want to see me because I had gotten my nose pierced. FTW?! Keep that in mind as I tell you some of the things that I experienced over the course of two days.
1. I had to listen to how the immigrants were taking over the country (and the Catholic churches!) over dinner.
2. My grandpa was surprised when I told him I didn't go to church every Sunday/or at all while I was in Turkey.
3. My grandma announced pretty loudly in church that my grandpa, "can't hold his corn." ???
4. I went to see "Bad Teacher" with my Gma and older sister which was awkward because the language was surprisingly vulgar, even for me. Imagine being in a movie theater with your grandma and one of the lines is "Dry f#$% the f#$% out of me"
5. I keep getting lectured on what type of girl I should bring home to my mom/gma...Don't know what I'm supposed to do with that advice.
But, it was a lot of fun and I'm glad I got to see everyone.
FUNNY STORY!
Look at this picture first.
This is someone receiving communion in a Catholic church. My family is Catholic and my grandparents and my mom especially are REALLY Catholic. My mom goes to church every week and I...don't. She gets up so early and I don't like organized religion so I choose not to go. A couple of weekends ago after mass, my mom told us this story about how she went to receive communion. Notice in the picture how the nun is receiving the wafer/body of X in her mouth and the pope's assistant is holding the metal thing that looks like a ping-pong paddle underneath in case the wafer falls. Well, my mom went to do this (because her church is really old-fashioned) and the alter boy who was holding the ping-pong paddle accidentally whacked my mom in the throat.
When she told us this, I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF FOR LIKE FIVE MINUTES. I think it is so damn funny! I know some people might take offense to this because it's about religious matters so sorry. My mom will even try not to laugh about it because she thinks its a mortal sin or whatever, but I will continue to tell this story to anyone who will listen.
Rihanna's new song: "California King Bed"
I like your voice, but who the eff wrote these lyrics?
You cannot sing about the size of your bed. Twin, double, queen, nope, she goes for the CALIFORNIA KING!!!
"In this California king bed
We're ten thousand miles apart
I've been California wishing on these stars
For your heart for me
My California king"
You can also not just put a state in front of a verb and call it good. "California wishing" does not make sense. "California dreaming" well, that's a famous song so it's immune to this rule. But Princess Rhi Rhi, you cannot be "Montana frolicking" or "Maryland sashaying." I don't know what they taught you in Barbados, but we do NOT talk like that. Keep the voice. Change the lyrics. Kthanx
Peace out,
Consuela
My internship is going well. Things seem to be kind of picking up and I'm getting used to my commute from hell. One of my favs, Noa (like the ark, but without an "h"), no longer works with us which sucks some major ass, but I know that she is deeply regretting her decision to leave. She misses all our faces, especially mine and Sara's. WE HAVE SO MUCH FUN WITHOUT YOU NOA!!!!...(sometimes). But yeah, my drive+train+metro still pisses me off. Cannot get over why my parents chose to live in Front Royal, 1) because it's hella far away from DC and 2) because it's called Front Royal. Still, don't even know what that means. You can't just put two words together and call it a town. "Behind Queen", "Below King": do you want those town names on your job application? I think not! Might as well go live on Breezy Lane in Castle Rock, Colorado. So, FroRo, take my advice, and change the name.
P.S. There are some uber hotties on the metro. Makes me want to work in DC ALL DUH TIME!
Jersey (not the shore)
So, my older sister was in town for a couple of weeks. She just left today :( and I miss her already. My mom decided that since we were both here, she would take us up to visit her parents (our gparents) for the 4th of July weekend. Awesome! I love Gma and Pop pop and I haven't seen them since before I went to Turkey. But, my family is pretty conservez if you haven't heard. My gparents were still freaked out 2 YEARS AFTER i dyed my hair black and grew my stubble out. AND! last summer they almost didn't want to see me because I had gotten my nose pierced. FTW?! Keep that in mind as I tell you some of the things that I experienced over the course of two days.
1. I had to listen to how the immigrants were taking over the country (and the Catholic churches!) over dinner.
2. My grandpa was surprised when I told him I didn't go to church every Sunday/or at all while I was in Turkey.
3. My grandma announced pretty loudly in church that my grandpa, "can't hold his corn." ???
4. I went to see "Bad Teacher" with my Gma and older sister which was awkward because the language was surprisingly vulgar, even for me. Imagine being in a movie theater with your grandma and one of the lines is "Dry f#$% the f#$% out of me"
5. I keep getting lectured on what type of girl I should bring home to my mom/gma...Don't know what I'm supposed to do with that advice.
But, it was a lot of fun and I'm glad I got to see everyone.
FUNNY STORY!
Look at this picture first.
This is someone receiving communion in a Catholic church. My family is Catholic and my grandparents and my mom especially are REALLY Catholic. My mom goes to church every week and I...don't. She gets up so early and I don't like organized religion so I choose not to go. A couple of weekends ago after mass, my mom told us this story about how she went to receive communion. Notice in the picture how the nun is receiving the wafer/body of X in her mouth and the pope's assistant is holding the metal thing that looks like a ping-pong paddle underneath in case the wafer falls. Well, my mom went to do this (because her church is really old-fashioned) and the alter boy who was holding the ping-pong paddle accidentally whacked my mom in the throat.
When she told us this, I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF FOR LIKE FIVE MINUTES. I think it is so damn funny! I know some people might take offense to this because it's about religious matters so sorry. My mom will even try not to laugh about it because she thinks its a mortal sin or whatever, but I will continue to tell this story to anyone who will listen.
Rihanna's new song: "California King Bed"
I like your voice, but who the eff wrote these lyrics?
You cannot sing about the size of your bed. Twin, double, queen, nope, she goes for the CALIFORNIA KING!!!
"In this California king bed
We're ten thousand miles apart
I've been California wishing on these stars
For your heart for me
My California king"
You can also not just put a state in front of a verb and call it good. "California wishing" does not make sense. "California dreaming" well, that's a famous song so it's immune to this rule. But Princess Rhi Rhi, you cannot be "Montana frolicking" or "Maryland sashaying." I don't know what they taught you in Barbados, but we do NOT talk like that. Keep the voice. Change the lyrics. Kthanx
Peace out,
Consuela
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Back to my Mother and the Motherland
After facing my fear of flying for the thousandth time this year, I somehow made it back to the US, overweight baggage and all. My last weeks in Istanbul were surprisingly easier than I expected. I think because it had been so long since I had seen my family and because I had my internship to look forward to in ‘Murika, I was mentally prepared to go home. Oh, and some people were on momma’s last nerve…but it’s all good now.
To recap my last weeks in Turk-land:
1. I went to visit my friend Gizem in Ankara, the capital city. A-town has a bad rap amongst Turks and foreigners because it’s not as glamorous or lively as Isty. Well, those people can kiss my ass. I enjoyed Anky a lot and got my own little personal tour thanks to Gizmo. I miss that girl. Saying hoşçakal was hard, but I hope to see her in the near future. Couldn’t have survived those first few weeks Gizemsiz!
2. I somehow lost my Residence Permit (the thing that I cried over and was a pain in the ass to get), which was just FANTASTIC! I thought that, Oprah forbid, Turkey might have some sort of system where they keep track of all the foreign people living in their country so that they can just print out a new stupid booklet for me. Nope. I had to go back to the fires of Turkish hell THREE more times to REAPPLY and PAY 150 lira AGAIN. And all I needed it for was to leave the country. All that hard work and the guy at the airport looked at it for 0.239 seconds. Really, Turkey? REALLY??!!
3. Went on a boat cruise with my roomies=one of the best days ever. We rented a private boat to take us around the Sea of Marmara south of Istanbul and it was just one of those days where you can’t complain about anything (even if you’re nickname is White Wine). We brought food and booze and we were set. The weather was amazing and the islands we saw were beautiful. Our captain was drunk as f*%$ but we survived. Be Jello-z!
For all of you who are wondering, America is treating me fantabulously! I had a frickin awesome time in Istanbul this past year and am so thankful to have met all the kool kids I did, but it is DAMN good to be back. People here speak English WELL and they use dollars! I don’t have take out tons of money from the ATM and stockpile it in my dresser drawer! I can use a drier to dry my laundry (although Carol Ann has been doing all my laundry lately) and I have a door to my bedroom! ☺ You know what’s the best? CHEAP ALKY-HOL!!! 60 lira for a bottle of shitty tequila? Nope. I can buy Jose for under $20. Crappy wine? Hayir, I’mma buy a box…for myself. TIP IT!!! Efes? Yok. Bacardi Breezers all day!!!!
My internship is going well. I like everyone I work with and I only have to work three days a week. You know what I do on Tuesdays and Thursdays? Sit.on.my.bony.butt. I also go running. But back to my internship: The office is located on top of a frozen yogurt shop=dangerous. I will be broker than I am by the end of the summer. One kind of crappy part about working in DC is the commute. If my parents were normal, we wouldn’t live so far away, but their illogicality and desire to live in Red Neck-ville, USA means that it takes two and a half hours to get my internship! So, FIVE HOURS of my day is spent in transportation. Right now, I don’t mind it so much. I get to spend time with my Momma on the drive to the train station and the train ride to DC. I can also read and get my sudoku on. But, what if I want to go out in the city? Things get a little tricky. I guess I’ll have to worry about that when I actually get invited to something haha. And, it’s only been one week. Need me some bitches to hang out with. Yani, Carol Ann is off the chain, but she’s also fifty years old and my mother. And still can’t come to terms with the fact that I drink alcohol, with the intention of getting drunk.
But overall, I’m excited about this summer!!!
P.S. I dominated my classes at Bogazici this semester. So, all you h8-ers, including my Sociology advisor, can.suck.it!
P.S.S. I miss Tarkan :( Do you think he misses me too?
To recap my last weeks in Turk-land:
1. I went to visit my friend Gizem in Ankara, the capital city. A-town has a bad rap amongst Turks and foreigners because it’s not as glamorous or lively as Isty. Well, those people can kiss my ass. I enjoyed Anky a lot and got my own little personal tour thanks to Gizmo. I miss that girl. Saying hoşçakal was hard, but I hope to see her in the near future. Couldn’t have survived those first few weeks Gizemsiz!
2. I somehow lost my Residence Permit (the thing that I cried over and was a pain in the ass to get), which was just FANTASTIC! I thought that, Oprah forbid, Turkey might have some sort of system where they keep track of all the foreign people living in their country so that they can just print out a new stupid booklet for me. Nope. I had to go back to the fires of Turkish hell THREE more times to REAPPLY and PAY 150 lira AGAIN. And all I needed it for was to leave the country. All that hard work and the guy at the airport looked at it for 0.239 seconds. Really, Turkey? REALLY??!!
3. Went on a boat cruise with my roomies=one of the best days ever. We rented a private boat to take us around the Sea of Marmara south of Istanbul and it was just one of those days where you can’t complain about anything (even if you’re nickname is White Wine). We brought food and booze and we were set. The weather was amazing and the islands we saw were beautiful. Our captain was drunk as f*%$ but we survived. Be Jello-z!
For all of you who are wondering, America is treating me fantabulously! I had a frickin awesome time in Istanbul this past year and am so thankful to have met all the kool kids I did, but it is DAMN good to be back. People here speak English WELL and they use dollars! I don’t have take out tons of money from the ATM and stockpile it in my dresser drawer! I can use a drier to dry my laundry (although Carol Ann has been doing all my laundry lately) and I have a door to my bedroom! ☺ You know what’s the best? CHEAP ALKY-HOL!!! 60 lira for a bottle of shitty tequila? Nope. I can buy Jose for under $20. Crappy wine? Hayir, I’mma buy a box…for myself. TIP IT!!! Efes? Yok. Bacardi Breezers all day!!!!
My internship is going well. I like everyone I work with and I only have to work three days a week. You know what I do on Tuesdays and Thursdays? Sit.on.my.bony.butt. I also go running. But back to my internship: The office is located on top of a frozen yogurt shop=dangerous. I will be broker than I am by the end of the summer. One kind of crappy part about working in DC is the commute. If my parents were normal, we wouldn’t live so far away, but their illogicality and desire to live in Red Neck-ville, USA means that it takes two and a half hours to get my internship! So, FIVE HOURS of my day is spent in transportation. Right now, I don’t mind it so much. I get to spend time with my Momma on the drive to the train station and the train ride to DC. I can also read and get my sudoku on. But, what if I want to go out in the city? Things get a little tricky. I guess I’ll have to worry about that when I actually get invited to something haha. And, it’s only been one week. Need me some bitches to hang out with. Yani, Carol Ann is off the chain, but she’s also fifty years old and my mother. And still can’t come to terms with the fact that I drink alcohol, with the intention of getting drunk.
But overall, I’m excited about this summer!!!
P.S. I dominated my classes at Bogazici this semester. So, all you h8-ers, including my Sociology advisor, can.suck.it!
P.S.S. I miss Tarkan :( Do you think he misses me too?
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