Robert the German Asshole

The juicy shit is coming, but I want to recap a lil' bit right quick.

A week and a half ago was the Istanbul Marathon. This is really cool because for that one day the Bosphorus Bridge is open to pedestrians. It is normally closed because so many people have committed suicide off of it (drama). Thankfully, there are different race distances besides the marathon, including 15 kilometers and 8 kilometers. There is also a "fun run"...so we participated in that one but without the "run" part. After an early morning wake-up (6am), two bus rides, and some unhappy campers, we made it to the race. It ended up being an awesome day and I'm so glad I got to walk from Asia to Europe. I'm like Bono or something! It must make all the people who decide to hook up the night before and oversleep jealous. You know who you are! (They jealous)


This is what Mr. Bosphorus looks like when you're on him.
Then my camera died :(

Let's get to some rull drama. I mean DRAMA! Like I have mentioned previously, the boys in Isty have been lining up the block just to watch what I got (can't compete with "Angel" though). The first guy of importance was Turkish and looked like Gael Garcia Bernal, or at least that's what my drunken self thought. He didn't speak the English very well, and by very well I mean, he knew maybe 10 words. He also kept telling his friend in Turkish that he wanted to speak "body language" with me...We'll fast forward a little because you don't need to know ALL those details.


I swear he looked like this

Guy #2:
My friends and I went to a party for Erasmus and Exchange students in downtown Istanbul. There was this guy with his one girl friend (not girlfriend) who I saw move closer to me. I thought, "Ok, I must be looking purty good tonight" to myself, and by myself, I mean, I told all my friends. So, they attempted to work their magic and figure him out. Their not-so-good detective skills found out that he's not gay. What a bummer! Ok, I'll find someone next time. But he kept standing there, right next to me! And then everyone started pushing me towards him, saying, "Go, Peter! He's gay!" I thought they all just wanted to make fun of me, but it ended up being true. His name's Robert and he seemed like a really nice guy. FAST FORWARD!!!

So, we kept texting back and forth the following few days. He invited me to meet his friends and I invited him to dinner with my friends. Everyone was nice blah blah blah.

DRAMA:
This past Friday night, I was out with my slutty friend (shoutout to mah gurl!) who I knew was going to go home with someone (who looks like Frodo). And I was like, "Shit I don't like being the third wheel, I gotz to go!" I texted Robert and he invited me to go to a gay club with him and another girl friend (not girlfriend). I met them there and we went inside. We're all dancing. It's fun. Next thing I know, I turn around and he is making out with some guy. AHHH HELL NO! NOBODY BRING ME TO NO CLUB AND MAKE OUT WIFF SUMWUN ELSE. NAHAAA!
What did Peter do? Well, I went up to him and told him he was a "big asshole" and left. When you're drunk at four in the morning, you don't have a lot of common sense, so I started walking home, which is like five miles away. I made it maybe a mile (maybe) then gave up and took a taxi home.

These are the texts from the next day:

"hey peter. hope u r not angry with me?! I'm sorry if i've hurt ur feelings last night, i didn't want that."

and i said yeah, you hurt my feelings. i thought you liked me, etc.

"i'm so sorry for that. didn't know that it'd hurt u so much, sorry! and yes, i like you, but yesterday i just wanted to have fun, was drunk and didnt think abt you, this is my fault, sorry"

i didn't forgive him, but i started feeling like the fat, low self-esteem girl that i normally am and asked him what he's doing that night, trying to get invited. he told me he's going out and that i should come BUT then he tells me he's going to a gay club and i asked him if he was planning to get with someone else again and THE BITCH SAYS:

"if i go to a gay club i'd like to have a choice that's why i go there u know. my feelings acc. (?) to u r not that strong. do u understand? :-)"

he likes emoticons. i told him he seems like an asshole right now and THEN:

"believe me i am a nice guy but i just need my freedom to do whatever i want :-) this is erasmus"

THIS IS ERASMUS???!!! THIS IS MOMMA'S HOUSE AND NOBODY MAKES MOMMA FEEL LIKE SHIT!

GO BACK TO GERMANY

P.S. we haven't texted since :-) <----stupid emoticon

Why do I have to study when I study abroad?

The first three weeks of class have already passed and I'm definitely feeling it. I know a lot of people think of study abroad as a time to get drunk a lot, hook up, and travel around a lot...yeah, so I've done most of that, but my studies are starting to creep up on me. I already have papers due and I always seem to have a fuck-ton of reading to do. That's right: a fuck-ton. But what do you expect when you're studying at "the best" university in Turkey? I mean, I would definitely prefer to have things way easier, but maybe this will be a good challenge for me? No, let's just be honest: if I could, I would chose not to do anything academic while I'm here (except learn Turkish).

The weather in Isty has been sucking some pretty big balls lately. It just rains and rains all the time. And it's cold. I do not remember Wikipedia saying anything about this. It says it rains three inches on average in October. I think it rained that much today. Wikipedia stoopid! That all I have to say. Some advice: yo' clothes will not dry if it raining outside and you don't have a dryer. To top this all off, right when it gets cold and rainy, the gas in our apartment got shut off. Something like the bill was still in the name of the last person who lived there so they just shut it off. So, no hot shower, no hot food, no heat for a week. (We just got it back yesterday) Now, the internet's not working for the same reason. It sux! How am I posed to watch this week's ANTM if there no interwebs? Oh well, hopefully this will all be solved by Monday.

In other news, I have recently acquired an obsession with being hygienically disgusting. For some reason, I just have not been able to motivate myself to take a shower everyday. And I wash my hair even less. So, when there was no hot water, I would take even fewer showers. I could have fried chicken in my hurr, I believe. But, that don't stop the boys from coming to the yard.

Which brings me to the topic of BOYS. Let's just say, I have received more attention in one month in Istanbul than I know what to do with. Let that simmer in your mind for a minute... And I'm gross! I don't take showers and they're bangin' the door down! (not really) Israel can suck it! Istanbul's where it's at! I keep it as classy as I can thank you very much. But the Turkish gays are clingy. Of course, I love attention, but I can't handle people telling me they love me after meeting me once. Ya know? And calling me "my baby" is kind of weird.

With regards to travel, I got out of I-bul last weekend for the first time since I've been here. I went with six of my friends to Bursa, which is about 5-ish hours away. We took an awesome ferry ride and then a bus to get there, stayed in a coolio hotel, and ate iskender kebab until I felt like I was going to fro up.
For those of you not-so-cultured folk, this is iskender kebab:
Is your mouth watering yet? If not, then think of me and iskender kebab at the same time and then it will be.
We also went to a small Ottoman village (willage if you're German)and ate a typical breakfast in a tent and then wandered around in nature for an afternoon. Of course, I was the dumb bitch who stepped in animal poo, but that was only a minor issue. Overall, it was a great weekend and I hope there are many more to come just like it. (<--cliche sentence)

I'll leave you with some life-changing facts about culture here:
1. Construction boots are all the happ with the Turks. Both girls and guys strut this trend in many different colors. Think FUBU, but Turkish?
2. There are so many blind people here!!! I cannot get over it not because they bother me, but because they are so mobile! The cars drive cray cray here, but these people don't get hit. It's amazing and all they use is a walking stick.
3. Cindy Woods is coming to visit me in December! WHAT WHAT!!! Who jealous? That's right, ALL OF YOU!

Did I Just Get Hit On?

Classes have finally started and I can't decide whether or not I approve. On the one hand, I am glad that I have something productive to apply myself to and it saves me money because a large portion of my time so far here has been spent going out and drinking. Don't get me wrong, I like it, but my bank account is like "ouch!" The negatives of classes are that I lose time spent sitting in front of my computer watching TV shows while eating Turkish chocolate spread (usually on bread but sometimes if it's rough, I just eat it off a spoon). Also, my brain is still in summer mode where I have not been thinking about academic related issues at all. But it makes me feel better in class because English is my first language so I can take notes faster. Be jealous, Turks!

I am enrolled in four classes total: Human Rights, Seminar on Social Movements, Development and Growth, and Turkish. I thought about adding a fifth class, but then I asked myself, "Bitch, why did you come all the way to Turkey if you're just going to study all the time?" Needless to say, I only went to one hour of that class before nixing it.

Pros and Cons of classes here:
Pros:
-Books are way cheaper because you just pay for illegally copied versions of books.
-I don't have class on Fridays.
-I speak English!

Cons:
-Lessons for the same class aren't held in the same classroom the whole week. They could be in one building on Tuesdays and a completely different one on Thursday. Why, Turkey, why?
-There are multiple campuses of my university that are only 10-15 minutes apart, but walking in between them can be a bitch.

Last night, the organization for exchange students here put on a cruise on the Bosphorus. Of course, we each had to pay about $20, but it was worth it because you got three complimentary drinks including a slim selection of beer, wine, and vodka. Please do the math:

No dinner + two STRONG mixed drinks + one beer + one super shaky boat = one fucked up Peter

It was tons of fun, but I am still surprised I did not fall over the railing of that sea vessel. I was looking forward to putting my elementary school swimming lessons to good use, but I am thankful now that I didn't have to whip them out while intoxicated. They did teach us how to make a life preserver out of our pants though.
The party was the expected: people, music, dancing, drunk American girl being a slut, German girl throwing up, you know, the typical party. I think I got hit on by this Turkish guy? But his facebook profile says he's interested in women. It's like a reverse JuanBa. ALSO, he was double-timing me by being a player and trying to get with my (friend?) "Angel" when I wasn't there. I wasn't interested in him at all, but knowing me, I'm up for a little competition and just wanted to be the bitch cock-on-cock-blocker. Galen started it though by being a little diva because I asked him if he wanted the Turkish delight (wink) and he just gave me a look like "Queen, why are you talking to me?" BTW, I'm not a queen.
After the cruise, most of the people were planning to go out to another party, but I was super tired and decided to walk home. I thought walking would get rid of some of the drunk...nope. I got lost on the way haha, ate some drunchies, and went to bed. I also thought it was hilarious to take gross pictures of myself eating drunchies. See below:

I still think it's funny.

My free Friday has been super unproductive.

P.S. If you can't tell, things are getting better for me here. Still some kinks to work out, but it's cool. So don't be sad about my last entry!

GO HARD OR GO HOME! (I went home)

As expected, much has gone downhill since my initial days in Istanbul. I was awestruck by the scenery and the expanse of the city, but I've had a few too many instances lately that have left me with some negative feelings. I say that this is expected because no matter how "international" and "adaptable" I make myself out to seem, I always have a horrible time at the beginning when I'm in a new place. This was true for Costa Rica, Oklahoma, and Israel. However, with time, I grew to really like the places (or at least like certain aspects enough to be able to survive) :)

I guess my first and biggest problem would have to be my phone sitch. Gizem had a phone set up and ready for me when I came to Turkey (so sweet). But the other day, when we went to an orientation for foreign students, it stopped working. I thought it was possibly just out of the service area, but I never got no bars back. And it sucked because I met a lot of cool people and they were like "What's your number?" and I was like "I don't know because I'm Turkey-tarded." And then they could never call me and I couldn't call them. Things did work out mas o menos through facebook but I was desperate to get my phone fixed. It's been lyke five days now and I have been to at least 5 PHONE STORES and today I spent lyke 4 HOURS STRAIGHT trying to get this damn phone. And it turns out that the place I finally ended up at is two minutes from my apartment. Fuck that shit!!!

Number 2: This weekend, the internet at my apartment stopped working. My roommate says its because the people here before didn't pay the bill and that we'd have to wait until Monday. Some people think it's really cool to "go off the map" and not use technology for a while...I discovered this weekend that I am not one of them, especially when I'm in a new place where I don't have anything to do except look at shit on the internet and call my hopefully new friends, both of which were not possible.

In this same period of time, I got locked out of my apartment twice (once it wasn't my fault), got stuck on my balcony alone for an hour because I couldn't open the door, and got told I was rejected by my department at the university (turned out not to be true). So, I was pretty sure I was going to end up crying in the bathroom stall, eating a whole chocolate cake, and talking to my mom on the phone all at the same time. This didn't happen in reality, but I did have the same emotional overload.

Last, but not least:
After an isolated fun experience of going to the Istanbul Modern Museum and walking around the city yesterday with my new group of friends who I really like, we ate dinner together and starting drinking for a "fun night out." The motto (proposed by me of course) was GO HARD OR GO HOME (optional: BITCHES). After some hardcore pre-drinking where I ended up being the drunkest one, we went out into the night! We went to this birthday party at someone's apartment and then took a bus to Taksim, the downtown area of Isty. Be-tee-dubbs, apartment parties aren't fun here because you live in the same building as families so everyone wants you to shut up. And people will yell at you in Turkish on the bus if you're loud and drunk. We ended up first at a shady dance club and then a shadier bar. As the night progressed, Momma realized he was not having it. I was ready to 1) get some, 2) have someone pay attention to me, or 3) go home. The first two didn't work out so well, so I ended up having a romantic solo taxi ride home. It sucks that I couldn't even live up to my own motto. LAME, HUH? But I'm glad I realized I was on my man rag and couldn't take any more attention whores (this is a separate story) or stupid Americans for a while.

I know this makes it appear as though I'm having a horrible time, and I am. But that's hopefully only for now. Things can only go up from here, right? I have had some successes and a lot of fun at times. I trust that e'erthing will be OTAY soon! Just gotta keep chugging along...

I have a crush...

Let's play a game faithful blog-readers. It's called "Where the Fuck is Peter?!" It's been almost a week since I've arrived in Turkey, but I think I would lose this game because I DO NOT KNOW WHERE I AM SOMETIMES HERE. Istanbul is unlike any place I've been before. It's MASSIVE, awesome, and I love it so far (which kind of freaks me out, because I never like a place when I first get there).

Backing up:
On Thursday, September 9th, I boarded a plane from DC to Frankfurt. The plane ride was 7 1/2 hours and lucky for me, as soon as we took off, I found out I had the worst stomach craps IN DA WORLD!!! At first, I was like, "I must be hungry. Let's get this meal service started." But the by the time the flight attendant was asking me if I wanted chicken or pasta, I had decided I might be flying Diarrhea Airlines, flight # shit-my-plants, with non-stop service to the farthest place possible. And to top that off, I was in the middle seat, so if I had to go the lavatory, I would have to make someone get up and if I did it multiple times, I would not have any friends for 7 1/2 hours. After forcing down, some gross airplane food, I changed my mind and realized I needed to vomitate :( So, I quietly and politely made my way to the bathroom only to discover that I had misdiagnosed myself. I was just gassy, nauseous, and at this point, cranky. What the hell?! By the time my second flight from Frankfurt to Istanbul arrived, I was better, not 100%, but better. There, waiting for me was my friend GIZEM who I hadn't seen in almost 3 years!!!

Gizem's drama:
When I made plans to come to Turkey, I made sure to come early to find an apartment and get settled, but I also wanted to spend time with my friend if possible. Our Polish freak Gosia also planned on coming for a few days and we could all hang out together. However, a couple days before I arrived, the unthinkable happened...............................................
The water pipes in Gizem's house EXPLODED and FLOODED the whole place!!! Noooo! As a result, Gizem and her parents temporarily moved in with relatives, Gosia canceled her trip, and I had to stay in a guest house/hostel. Of course, I'm in no way mad at Gizmo or her family; it was just unfortunate timing. And, my first few days were still fun filled, looking at apartments, eating Turkish food, and watching the basketball world championships which was going on in Turkey!
I also met a lot of Gizem's relatives and I love them all already. I know it may sound like I'm exaggerating, but these people were just super nice to me although most of them don't speak a word of English. They're adorable. I hope to be able to learn enough Turkish to tell them how cool I think they are.
A couple days after I arrived, Gosia surprised us by letting us know that she was in fact coming to Istanbul on a tour with her parents. That day, my personal Turk and I took a water ferry from Asia to Europe (dramatic, I know) and saw the touristy sites of Isty: famous mosques, a cistern, monuments... That night, we met up with Gosh at her hotel and went out for the night. IT WAS LIKE THE BEST NIGHT EVER AND I GET ALL MISTY MISTY JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. We were besties and haven't seen each other in so long. All we did was go to Taksim (the hip place in 'Stanbul) had a beer, talked, laughed, and ate DRUNCHIES. We didn't want to say bye, however our new goal is to reunite again in Poland during winter break.

I am now in my apartment which is about a five minute walk from campus. It's totes awes! If I like you, you have my permission to come visit and stay here. If I don't like you, you have my permission to be jealous. ;) Gizem worked her Turkish voodoo and used her family's living sitch to make the people living here feel sorry for me and let me stay=I'm her bitch forever. There are two German guys and a Turkish girl. They're super nice and helpful (at least for now). Will let you know if there be dramz.

Overall:
1) I have decided that I have a BIGASS CRUSH on Istanbul. Like I said, I don't usually like a place when I first move there, but I surprisingly like it here. I hope she likes me back...
2)The only thing I hate about being here is that I don't know Turkish, like anything. Can't even say basic shit. And whenever Gizem teaches me stuff, it doesn't even sound like a language so it doesn't stick in my head. But I will get it one of these days! And I will make my facebook statuses in Turkish so you'll be like "Shit! Why am I not cool enough to know Turkish like Peter?"
3) Turkish guys like to have two hairstyles at the same time.
For a visual: divide your hair in half (front and back). In the back, make it spiky with gel. In the front, put gel in it also but comb it forward. You now have Turkish boy hair. Weird, huh?
4) For some reason, I have thought up names for Turkish pornos. So far, I have "Constan-titty-nople" and "Istan-balls". Don't ask me where this came from.
5) JETLAG CAN SUCK MY ASS!!! Seriously, I either go to bed and wake up at 3/4am and can't go back to sleep or I just can't fall asleep until 4am. Why, Allah, why?

Stay tuned, bitches

Israel: Yay or Nay?

I'm back in the US, hanging out with my parents and little sister in Hickville, Virginia. I got back Monday afternoon and have pretty much spent my days recovering from jet lag, watching Netflix, and starting a new workout routine. (The last two are kind of opposites.) So how did I spend the rest of my time in the Holy Land and am I overall satisfied that I went?

Let's see:
I finished my Hebrew course on July 26th. I actually came to enjoy it quite a bit. Okay, not the studying and paying attention during class, but I made a few good friends and got to know Israel a whole lot better. I have decided that I'm thankful I had the opportunity to go but I am not in any hurry to go back. I hate having to go through a metal detector every time I go to the mall and although I might have a certain attraction to Israelis, my interest is not reciprocated.
Should we talk about this? I THINK SO!

After getting shut down previously by some guy's friend (see previous blog post), I didn't have very high expectations for the rest of my time there in terms of getting any. However, I was pleasantly surprised that I got my ass grabbed repeatedly at the same club a week later. (!!!) I even got enough courage to leave my phone number at a cafe for a guy who checked out Arthemis' tits...and that didn't really work out for me.

The night after our last Ulpan class, a bunch of us went out in downtown J-Ru one last time. I drunkarexically sloshed around the whole night after approximately one shot and half a beer. Our teacher Nomi even made an appearance with her Ish (boyfriend). It was like Regina George punched me in the face because IT...WAS...AWESOME! Imagine a handful of drunk Americans competing to tell Lawn Gnomie how much we love both her and her man in Hebrew.

Post-Ulpan, I became Atalya's live-in boyfriend without the sex. (It was a mutual agreement) There, I would sleep in until eleven everyday and sometimes hang out with my friends who were also still in Israel. We went to the beach in Tel Aviv, to Haifa for an overnight trip, to Ein Gedi and the Dead Sea, and one day, we met up with Nomi for coffee in Jerusalem. It was super cool, especially because we spoke in English the whole time. Poor Taly had to get up everyday at six, so I know for a fact she was ready for me to get the hell out of her room. But I cannot thank her enough for how great she was to me while I was there.

WARNING! DO NOT POOP, SHAVE YOUR BODY, OR HAVE SEX (FRONT DOOR OR BACK DOOR) BEFORE GOING IN THE DEAD SEA. IT WILL BURN!
I may or may not know this from first hand experience. You'll have to guess which one ;)

I also went to a wine festival with Atalya's dad and brother. Lots o' fun! I don't really like wine, but I somehow figured out a way to enjoy it haha. The wines were all from Israeli vineyards which contributes further to my Israeli culture credibility.

(NOT SUCH A) DRAMATIC NEWS UPDATE
I met up with "someone" again the very last night before I left. Atalya and he both came back from the army together and the three of us went out to eat. It could have been really awkward and terrible (again) but I actually had a great time. It was almost like (god forbid) we were friends again. I'm so happy that this happened because I think it brought a lot of closure to my trip and solidified my contentment with my decision to go to Israel. It would have been nice to have more good times like that while I was there, but I think I should be thankful for the good memory I now have. :)

So I will conclude with some random facts:
1) New favorite graphic tee spotted "Dirty is the New Black"- worn by a black person. Think about it...
2) True or Fales: Everyone speaks/understands enough English in Israel. FALSE. If you order an Iced Chai Tea Latte from a place where their menu is in Hebrew and English, you just might get a hot latte.
3) My mom has taken up crocheting handbags out of Wal-Mart plastic bags, t-shirts, and VHS tapes. I smell a photo shoot!

Finally accepted to my university in Turkey. Are you still gonna follow my blog then? I'm sure there won't be as much juicy drama (or will there???), but you should definitely stay tuned.

Cover it up!

My apartment building faces another one, and some people don't realize that if you don't close your window, people can see into your room. That means they can see all the stuff you do in your room. Like if you're having sex across from my building with the window open and I happen to look out of my window at the same time (like right now), I can see you.